Today, February 1st 2017 marks 5 years since Sophie was born sleeping. I can shut my eyes and be back in that dark room in Stroud Maternity Hospital where the midwives told us our baby had no heartbeat, and it feels like 5 minutes ago, but so much has happened since, that it also feels like a lifetime. Sophie was born after a quick and painful labour, just after midnight on Wednesday 1st February 2012. She never cried or took a breath. She had passed away possibly a few days before – we will never know exactly when. We found…

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I say it every month but how is it the end of January?! I’m excited to capture a year of the Me & Mine Project as I only started in October 2016 – I can’t wait to see what 2017 brings us as a family. I was actually a bit organised this month – we took these photos at the beginning of the month when we went to Weston Super Mare to walk the dog on the beach – trying to get him in the photos too was asking a bit much though. We didn’t have the tripod with us…

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  Dear Ollie I sit here writing this on the eve of your 4th birthday. Tomorrow at 8.45pm you will be four whole years old. I wanted to celebrate your birthday this year by writing down your birth story. Although four years have passed I can blink and be back in the delivery room in an instant – as I can with your brother and sisters, but yours seems that much more prominent. Ollie, you are my rainbow baby. You were born on 19th December 2012, 8 months and 18 days after your sister Sophie was born sleeping. My pregnancy…

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I was really pleased to hear about the campaign Tommy’s are running to raise awareness of monitoring fetal movement, as it is a cause very close to my heart. Tommy’s are a charity that fund research into the causes of miscarriage, stillbirth and premature birth. Tommy’s campaign aims are to: increase awareness of the importance of monitoring fetal movements give women clear information about what to do and what they should expect when they seek help empower women and give them the confidence to seek help. Reduced baby movements can be the first sign that a baby is in distress.…

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I’ve never written down Sophie’s story until now. I’ve had the post title ‘Sophie’ in my draft posts for a long time. I did write the post ‘February 1st‘ which included our only photo of my pregnancy with Sophie. I’ve written about how I felt about her anniversary/birthday, how it feels to be an angel mummy – especially when people don’t know you are one. I’ve not written Sophie’s story. Why? To be honest I’m not sure. Yes it is upsetting, yes it hurts, although time is a great healer. Mainly though it is because I feel guilty. I feel guilty…

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This week, we’ve been doing some redecorating. Painting the hall and stairs and spending, what seems like days on putting together a photo wall. Said photo wall goes all up on side of the stairs and it is huge. This meant we had to take down some of the other pictures so it didn’t look quite so crowded. We had a square canvas on one of the walls. It was a photo of life pre-my boys. Mummy, Daddy and Izzie. It also is the only photo I had of me when I was pregnant with Sophie, taken a month before…

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